.png)
I've just arrived home in Colorado for the summer where I will be working and saving money for returning to France in August. I am thankful for a welcoming home I can step back into as the Lord continues to work in my heart and grow me more in His likeness. :)
Praises and Prayers
Praises
Finishing my thesis! That was quite a push to finish a month before I needed to, so I am very thankful for all the prayer support. And now it's finished! Until the big one next spring
The community I have in France. It was a huge blessing this year, and the work God did in my heart last year prepared me to receive this gift with humility. It has healed me in many ways
Safely arriving home
Specific praises with some of the students at the ministry - contact me if you would like more details
Ministry opportunities opening up for next year
Prayers
Transitioning home
My time this summer - that I would use it wisely both in preparation for next year and in relationships at home
Continuing to pray for the students that came to faith and were introduced to faith this year
Possible next steps in France both this upcoming year and the next
Last year in Paris, God taught me how to deal with disappointment and trusting Him in the midst of things being different than what I had expected or what I'd been excited for/looking forward to. I am praying that He would continue to hold my heart and guard it, for while I’m excited for next year and then the possibilities after, I want my heart to stay close to Him, knowing that whatever He has in store for me will not only be a good plan, but will further honor and glorify Him.
Trusting God with my visa — I am “guaranteed” a visa as I have another year of schooling, but there are always logistics in how to apply and receive it.
A note on writing my Thesis...
Writing this thesis was a challenge for me, and as I was trying to write it, I realized it was because I didn't want my voice to be heard. This was for many reasons: I truly just enjoy listening to what other thinkers have to say, I was living in a different country where my voice was used to stumbling in French, and I was not sure how to work with my subject and a very atheist supervisor. The first two reasons tripped me up quite a bit as I was having trouble acknowledging that I do have something to add to the "academic conversation." I felt as if C.S. Lewis and his entourage said everything with such poignancy and insight: just read them! This, and being in a different country had broken down walls of self-confidence in every aspect of my life: language, self, school, personality, culture… it was intimidating to write.
The third reason was something I knew I would be navigating all year when I chose to research C.S. Lewis. I wanted to work my supervisor because she seemed more approachable and open, and she also worked with fantasy literature. She made sure to tell me up front that she did her PHD on Philip Pullman, a known Lewis cynic, but that she would, of course, be professional. The year was indeed a very professional and encouraging year, though it was interesting to see her beliefs arise as I shared about Lewis's life, specifically that she was an atheist. This is no surprise in France though.
My thesis was an exploration on how the mirth found in myth, using Narnia as the source material, creates a valuable medium or “atmosphere” for stating what would otherwise be discarded: it was a revelation of how Lewis was able to elude the "dragons" of biases. (The dragon metaphor comes from a quote of Lewis's about how, maybe these fantastical stories can steal past our Sunday school associations with religion if we cast all of it into an imaginary world.) I stated that these biases were preconceived notions, whether that be towards religion or children's literature, and that the medium of mirth plus myth can sneak past these prejudices. I was really working to set up concealed argument for the Christian faith.
It was interesting to hear my supervisor's reflection after my defense. She said it truly was a "mirthful" experience and that there is just something "different" about me. I had purposefully chosen to not share my faith with her because I didn't want that to possibly dampen the might of what Lewis had to say, as if I was just arguing for his beliefs instead of making my own. My idea is for this next year to share my faith with her — we'll see how!
As I reflect on this past year, I see that while God was knocking down walls such as the wall of self-sufficiency with my thesis, He was also reconstructing healthy ones, including the people he brought into my life that showed me such unconditional love and patience. This community the Lord provided for me in France has taught me that it doesn’t matter what country I’m in, I can feel seen and at home. And that is because home is not a place, in fact home is not even this earth. We were made for community and to be in communion with God: community here is just a mere glimpse of what to come, the goodness and fulfillment that will result in being fully seen and known in the presence of Jesus. The people who surrounded me were French, Scottish, English, Irish, German, American, Ivorian, and so many more, yet our citizenship is ultimately in Heaven, and so we were able to love with a greater depth.
How often do we cling to earthly identities of homeland? Letting go of these identities does not mean we need to abandon our citizenship and wander in the woods — I think God created different cultures and languages as a prism that reflects his creativity and beauty. This, as well as the fact that we learn and grow in humility and love when confronted with differences. Yet there is a beauty in finding our citizenship in Heaven, remembering that any earthly labels of "Colorado native" or "expat" will one day wither, for we are all strangers on this earth. Time and again, the Lord uses the "stranger" in His plan: Ruth was a Moabite who was a part of God's redeeming lineage, Abraham who was asked to leave his homeland, and even Jesus talks about being welcomed in as a stranger.
God may not call us to literally be strangers and move to a different country, (and ironically I never thought I'd be one of those people), but I do know He calls us to step out of our comfort zone, out of the known. He calls us to live by faith, and a life of faith is one of constant change. For if we never had change, even the smallest bit, how would we know what it looks like to trust God and what His character is? And again, I don't think this means we all must up and move, but I do think it means seeking out where God is calling us - such as maybe reaching out to a new person at church or inviting a neighbor over for dinner or saying hello to the person that makes you uncomfortable. This is the life of a disciple of Christ.
"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
Hebrews 11:13-16
A life of faith is a life of the stranger — a humbling position recognizing that there is no amount of routine or comfort or knowledge or "in" status that will help us feel seen and at peace. When all is stripped away, what is left will be us and Jesus. And oh what a glorious day that will be when we are finally free from the sins and fears of this world that keep us from fully surrendering to Him and acknowledging that He is in control, He loves us fully, and we are worth the ultimate sacrifice he paid.
Comments