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Within a few days of being back in France, I felt as if God unveiled a beautiful painting He had been waiting to show me, but couldn't yet. My wrestle, (at least in this event), was over, I was finally able to see what He had for so long been waiting to reveal: this rich and full abundance of blessings. He knew that if I looked upon this painting while still holding on to any anger or desire to be in control I would take advantage of the blessing. I am so thankful for God's sovereignty, for His patience and love, that, because of last year's difficulty and loneliness, my whole being is fully dependent on Him. Not only that, but He prepared me to step into this year with more grace and open hands. Last year I was able to practice transitions, figuring out cities, being ok with not knowing everything, and ultimately releasing all control to God. He showed me that His gospel will be shared, that I am just invited in to work alongside Him and other believers.
If last year was the desert, this year is the oasis. Lush and abundant and bursting with opportunity.
What is the masterpiece that God revealed?
A smooth transition, good community, purpose, and ministry opportunity.
Thank you for your prayers in that transition — this has been overall one of the smoothest moves I have been through. I have learned how to put my emotions and tendency to overthink to the side, only thinking so far into the future. I have found that taking things moment by moment keeps the build up of stress at bay. Yes, I do love to think through and plan for every next step, but it is just not realistic when moving your life to another country. It helps that this year I have a settled housing situation, but I still dealt with bureaucratic frustrations of not being able to sign up for classes, missing papers, and running around looking for the right person to talk to about one little thing. (I actually was not even signed up for classes until the Monday that school started.)
There have still been days of anxiety and exhaustion, still days of grief, still days of missing home.
I am now a few weeks into class, and I really love it, even though it is still overwhelming and confusing at times. Four out of my six classes are in English, and I am thankful that my French is coming back quickly. Most of my life is in French, it is really just those classes and some English speaking friends I've made that take me out of the French language. I, thank goodness, do not have to write my thesis in French — I do not think my grammar would hold up very well!
The work of the masters program piled on almost immediately, and if I really start to think about the classwork, plus group project, plus thesis, I very easily become overwhelmed. I realized the other day that God provided everything as I took steps to move here, so I know He will continue to provide the time and space for me to do my best. It is in this assurance that I step forward: I know God wants me here, he will provide! I am always able to center myself by remembering that my goal here is not to get perfect grades, but to honor God in all I do and reflect his light to those around me. And it has just been fun to be in classes with the same cohort of students who are all invested in their education. I am going to study C.S. Lewis in some way for my thesis, and I am looking forward to the conversations that will ensue as a result.
Another huge praise is community. The first night I arrived, one of the directors of the FEU (Foyer Évangelique Universitaire - the student ministry group) took me out to dinner. That weekend, we went hiking and jumped into a lake. The student leaders that are a part of the ministry have been so intentional and sweet. My first week of classes, they initiated a picnic for lunch. I also have become friends with three other people in my masters cohort. It has been so cool to see how God has blessed me with community in all corners and with different purposes — one for encouragement and nourishment, and the other for outreach and academic encouragement (I don’t think I am going to survive understanding what is going on in my program without them.)
I have gotten involved with a French church and I have been touched by the love and authentic pursuit of Jesus. The members are about sixty people and they are mainly young families and young adults. The whole congregation is involved with the service, with kids coming up to pray over the sermon and different adults each week leading the announcements and opening of the service. I also invested in a Bilingual Bible which has been a huge help — Bible language is very different from spoken language! I am going on a church retreat this weekend, so am excited to update you all about that.
This past weekend, I went on a backpacking trip (a bivouac) with the FEU. It was an intentional retreat to both bond and focus the student leaders towards the goal of this ministry and what this year would look like. I was encouraged by the genuine and deep love for Jesus that each person has, as well as the commitment to the gospel that the leaders showed. We talked about how there are only 13 of us students at the FEU, plus a couple other student groups, that are witnessing on campus. Though the church community here is small, I am amazed (and praising God) for the immediate access to the sheer amount of ministry opportunity. From outreach ministries like the FEU and Younglife, to women’s groups within church, I am seeing God’s abundance. It is exciting and overwhelming — where was this last year? Obviously, ministry exists in Paris… was God keeping me from it to release my “need” for purpose “in ministry”? Was it to keep me close to Him and not idolize community? Or was it simply just that I get along with the more outdoorsy people here?
Ministry!
What a unique opportunity I have to be a student and be living in a house that welcomes students.
While the house I live in operates under the student ministry title, many other ministries meet here as well. There is a church on Sunday, mens and women's groups throughout the week, meetings for different outreaches, a Chinese church on Saturdays, and Younglife on Fridays, not to mention the nights when the FEU events take place. It has been hard to set boundaries, as I want to go downstairs and interact with all the groups! Yet I know I would become very burnt out if was doing school and engaging every single night. I have been able to volunteer with Younglife which has been really fun. It's in French and English, and consistently has about 40 kids!
Outreach here is interesting because so much of "faith" for people evokes images of chilly churches or cults, or how religion preys on the weak. It has been good for me to test the "why" of faith, for me to ask and answer questions to myself on why I believe what I believe. I have Ephesians 6:19 next to my door so when I leave I can see, "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel."
My prayer right now is that I would not snuggle into the comforts of academia and separate my church life with my school life, but that the Lord would give me the courage to speak of my faith as well as the space. My biggest "juggle" right now is time and resources, and I want to be flexible to spontaneous conversations and gospel opportunities.
To Dwell
Why title this post, "To Dwell"?
I see my past month as a deepening of what it means to dwell. God has wired us to seek a place of dwelling, to seek a place of meaning and comfort and community. I have seen not only why God brought me through last year, but also of his ability to provide and the fact that he loves to overflow blessings. One of my classes is on "Irish Migration and Exile." It is fascinating to dive into the ways in which humans create meaning and purpose within place. Last year I felt as if I had no purpose and that I was often "invading" someone else's space, someone else's home. And yet because of the purpose I have in ministry and school, I have a space of my own here — I am connected and have “validity” in being here. I feel confident and engaged. Which is a huge praise, as I've said, but I want to turn that back to God. Me feeling like I have a dwelling here is not a foothold for me to become comfortable and settle into a routine, to begin putting into boxes what is and isn't ministry. I am constantly reminding myself that my goal here is the gospel; "mon but ici est l'Evangile."
Yet do we really have any validity or “right” to anything? For it is His purposes that are giving me that grounded-ness, not my own. And this is the purpose of last year. Yes, the gospel was still shared with people I interacted with. But now looking back (it's always in hindsight, isn't it), I see a tiny understanding of the mystery that we were not made for this earth, and that any purpose we seek here will crumble.
"And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country — a heavenly one."
Hebrews 11:14-15
Prayers:
Wisdom on where to invest my time.
That I would not grow comfortable.
For the students I have met, that they would come to know Jesus. (Text me and I will give their names so we can be praying for them by name!)
For my professors
For our Christian presence on campus, that the few believing students out of thousands would be bold in their faith.
A continued blessing over the Foyer Évangelique Universitaire, the Eglise Grenoble Est, Younglife/Jeunesse Ardente
Other Random Anecdotes:
Two girls I met at school have come to our Bible study night! Praise God!
Deeper explanation of the FEU: a student ministry that is open to all students who want to discover the Bible and the Christian faith, share new interests, and meet other students from around the world. (That also just so happens to have a house where people can live — in the past it's been a family for example.)
Monday nights: Bible discovery evening
Thursday: Social evening — could be games, a cultural night, or outreach night
"Panier Partage" — Food distribution for students every other week
I have to take a sports class as a part of my program so every Wednesday for two hours I go rock climbing . Not sure how grades are going to work. I love it though.
I met this girl in line at the grocery store who went to "Champfleuri", a Torchbearers campus, and is a first year student at UGA. She is going to start coming to the FEU.
I have been on so many hikes already and it is so exciting!! I feel so healthy and myself.
My thesis advisor wrote her doctorate on Philip Pullman, which is a very... interesting... contrast to C.S. Lewis. Though they write on similar ideals, they handle them quite differently. It will be cool to see how our meetings unfold!
I also added more pictures to the gallery!
Go Dawgs!!! Thanks for the share, Annie. Love to hear your consistent, hopeful evaluation of life. Grateful that I know you and get to follow along with your adventures!