On Belay!

A January update from life in Grenoble :)

climbing in Grenoble

Praises: 

• Not having classes, (I do have a 100 - 150 page thesis to write though). An odd praise, but I didn’t realize just how draining the task of getting myself into school was here. Not that discipline is bad, but rather the cultural "shock" of school here took more energy than I thought

• I’ll be volunteering at a coffeeshop started by the pastors of a local church. It is not a “Christian coffeeshop”, but rather a cafe where Christians work. It is an intentional prayer position, as I will be engaging with people from lots of different cultures with a missionary barista vision

• I keep talking about my roommates, but I’ve just gotta put them on here again. I want to keep giving glory to God for these relationships!

  
  

Prayers: 

• Younglife ski camp end of February — I am going to be speaking, acting, and leading in French! So prayers for extra strength and clarity of thought

• Inspiration, direction, and discipline with my thesis 

• Intentional connections at the coffee shop 

• Our middle school ministry at church - praises for their engagement and prayers for those who do not know Jesus yet

• A boy I will be teaching English to once a week

• That my heart would be prepared and my eyes open for opportunities for next year 

walking on Lac Achard! would love to skin up here soon...

We’re asked growing up what we want to be when we’re older. At 25 years old I can say, when it comes to career, I have no idea, (though my childhood answer of cowgirl still applies.) 

But when it comes to who I am, the Lord is so graciously showing me in this season that I am, before anything, His child. Profound revelation, I know, but oftentimes the most simple of truths takes the longest to learn, to truly believe and walk out. (I think this is why Jesus repeats himself so often — we really just spend our whole lives remembering who we are!) 

At the coffeeshop where I’ll be volunteering, they have “Tu es Précieux” sitting on one of their shelves. Seeing a childhood book in French was so sweet, and I realized that the season I’m in right now is just like one of Max Lucado’s Wemmicks in “You are Special.”  These little wooden people are carved by woodworker Eli, and live in a town below his workshop where they give each other star or dot stickers depending on what they’ve done. One Wemmick though, has no stickers at all — why? She spends time with her Maker, and so the stickers from others just don’t stay. I have lived much of my life seeking the stars from others and hiding the dots, spinning in the "what if's" of supposed judgements instead of resting in time with my Maker. And by time, I don’t just mean quiet time in the morning or night, but an all encompassing, “Lord, be with me in this conversation, be with me as I wash these dishes, Lord help me speak clearly.”

In this season, the Lord is freeing me from trying to fit into some imaginary schedule I thought everyone had to follow, or “career path” I should’ve been on, or people or society or norms I should be pleasing. I am a child of God, and I walk in that freedom, that assurance, that truth. I feel so at peace as I’ve released any supposed expectations I think others have for me or I have for myself. (And am I still failing at this? Oh yes! But for the grace of God I am what I am… 1 Corinthians 15:9) For the personality the Lord has given me, this new outlook on life is a big step: I have for so long lived in this world of “should’s” and “could’s”, that to be freed from needing to prove to anyone other than God that I am loyal, trustworthy, reliable, and so on has brought such peace. These are all gifts from him anyways.

The Lord is taking my hand in this stage as I learn to step away from saying “yes” all the time so I can step back in with intentionality and a renewed understanding of service. I know life won’t always look like this: malleable days, living with my sweet friends, getting to explore France, and so I am thankful for this season while preparing for the next. 

This is what exercise looks like right now! Hikes when I have friends with a car available, climbing, and doing the stairs of the Bastille as fast as I can! (While listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack of course).

I said I have no idea what “I want to be when I’m older”, and that still holds true. But I do have quite a few ideas that I’m wanting to engage in and prepare for so that I can be ready if the Lord opens the doors for me to walk into those opportunities. I’d still love to use the outdoors as a field for missions work, and if that is not my next step, it is at least giving me direction, goals, something to work towards, and exercise. As I’ve talk about finding my source of worth in Jesus, I see such a clear link between releasing control and my growth in outdoor skills. The more I put my faith in the Lord, the more I see my capacity to do scary things grow.

This was an entry from my journal a few weeks ago: 

  "I am thankful that I'm truly beginning to trust and walk out your promises - I see my spiritual growth so linked with what I've been learning in the outdoors, specifically climbing. To breathe, take a moment to relax all my muscles, enjoy the climb not just try to make it to the top, and to overall learn how to release control while taking risks. Life is risky, life doesn't have detailed list of instructions, life requires faith.

I'm thankful for a God who loves me and sees me and holds me. You have walked so faithfully alongside me as I have tried to take back control, often resulting in anxiety, insecurity, and depression. And I think I do have a real struggle with anxiety & seeing the negative- I'm not going to beat myself up if/when I fall into that again. But rather, I'm going to lean back, trust God, and give myself grace. I am broken, but I am loved and made new. I praise you Lord for this work in my life! I would love to give others the opportunity to experience not only this, but also the peace found in Creation, the joy, and the reminder that we too are God’s creation.”

If anything, after this period I will have learned some new skills in the outdoors which is great! But having this vision of using the outdoors for ministry is giving me the guidance, inspiration and that extra push to get out and learn things. It’s hard not to ask, “What about my masters degree or undergrad degree? Dance? Horses?” I’m just not sure where to invest my time, money, and energy, but I keep leaning back on Jesus and I trust that He will guide me in all those questions and how to wisely use my resources, both in time and in finances. 

Oh what a gift to be so loved by my Maker that I don’t have to think I am in control! 

He's on belay: all I have to do is climb, lean back, and trust Him.

Hiking to a "gite" (kind of like a hut) where they make blueberry tart!

“We must do worldly jobs, but if we do them with sanctified minds, they become offerings to God.”

AW Tozer