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Hey friends! It's been a while. I took the summer off from writing as I was in the States earning and saving money for this upcoming year— here is my September update!
Praises:
Getting my visa: a bit of a story here: this summer, I flew to San Francisco and applied for a new visa. It was rejected. After a frustrating few hours I collected my thoughts and re-applied, this time through the French government instead of the American government. A week before I was leaving for France, I received an email that my visa had been accepted. It had been a month of logistical research and thinking through plan a, b, and z, but above all in trusting that the Lord would provide. He did :) Now, I am just waiting for an appointment to open up so I can get the actual card...
The BEST roommates in France - I feel like I have a little family here - we serve together, go on runs together, watch movies together, and are intentional with how we use our house
Safe travels from the States to France - I actually returned home this week for my sister's wedding and just got back to France
Prayers:
That the Lord would give me a clear vision for next year - I trust His timing on this vision
Continued focus and energy for school - that I would use it as a ministry and not view it as a frustration/hinderance to what I "actually" want to be doing
The ministries I’m involved in - continued blessing and encouragement
Working for the Lord and seeking his approval only
I had a very sweet summer at home spending time with family and friends as well as making money for this year. I’m so thankful to have been in my hometown community, fostering and growing in fellowship with people I love.
As I've transitioned back to France this past month, I've been asking the Lord to give me wisdom on how to navigate the transitional and liminal life He has been calling me into. I love settling and being in the known, so to have my feet in two countries is uncomfortable for me: how do I hold two cultures, two groups of people I love, two lives? I feel as if I have one foot in North America and the other in Europe, and it’s hard to reconcile that pull.
I believe this all is a reminder that we are living “in between” — we can never have all that our hearts and souls long for at the same time in this life.
The transition back to France has been hard, but I’m also so thankful to have returned to many things: the intentional community, the mountains, the ministry work, and even the discomfort that reminds me how much I need God. I almost want to cherry pick the bits and pieces of my two homes, and yet that’s not the reality of this life, we can’t have it all. Anything lacking is just a reminder of the fullness to come.
I have also been processing what my next steps are after this year. This has brought up yet another opportunity to learn how to have my thoughts be in one place and my heart in another — thinking about the future while wanting to stay present.
Thinking about the future has made this transition a bit more difficult as I think through all the realities of what it would mean to stay in France longer term: feeling constantly “out of it” and the stranger, aspects of a different culture, and the desires I have to live in the culture of the Rocky Mountains.
What makes me think that my desires are not God’s desires? Why do I desire to work outdoors in the Rocky Mountains, yet He has so evidently called me to France? (evidence in his provision and continued open doors - community, housing, visas, etc, as well as in my heart — a clear, “yes, stay,”)
I have never tried to “knock the doors down” to get into France — I have just continued to walk through the open ones to which God has said, “yes, step forward.” And He really has blessed me beyond measure here in France — my cup overflows.
But this past month I've felt like my hands are tied— as a result of the language I'm not good at the things I am actually able spend time doing — leading Bible studies and learning more about His word — and as a result of school I don't have much time to grow in outdoor knowledge/skills, which is what I'm currently passionate about honing.** I know that God is at work in the midst, and being the creative designer He is, this work is multifaceted. He is refining my desire to be competent and helpful, making sure the root is grounded in Him, not my own flesh. He is reminding me that I have nothing to "prove" — I am working for Him and Him alone. I am learning to trust His timing and not have all the answers to next steps.
And so, with many questions and feeling a little lost, I step into this year wanting to be fully present in the many amazing ministry opportunities I’m a part of— from Younglife, to college ministry with the FEU, to middle-school ministry with my church, to even just the fellowship with my housemates. It’s going to be a very sweet year of both serving and discerning, and I am so excited to be engaging in another year of ministry!
** Important side tangent: my current vision/passion for next steps is I want to use the outdoors as a tool for ministry. I have seen numerous times how being confronted with challenges and fears in the wilderness and overcoming them has encouraged and deepened my walk with the Lord. From being irrationally afraid of lightning and being far away from home then going backpacking to face that anxiety, to a fear of heights and starting climbing this summer, to a desire to be in control and confronting the minimizing effect of the grandeur of Creation, I love the platform the outdoors provides in order to see God in mighty ways. Who knows how God will use this vision — I'd love horses to be involved somehow too... :) trusting Him with these ideas, as well as where these ideas will unfold — my life is his and I am ready to go where He calls me.
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